pretend you didn’t hear me #4581
you’re free to not read everything, thank you.
i’m purely type vomiting. ok. so i’m back to doing nothing. it’s kind of sad, really. now everything’s sinking in. most of my friends have finished college and i haven’t. and most of them have money of their own blah blah. summer’s not the usual summer for me. it’s either my friends are all working, or they’re far away. but i figured it’s really like that. i made a decision, and i have to deal with the consequences that came with it. it’s not that i regret the decision, i haven’t really thought it’d be like this. but everything’s fine. this is just a couple of those times i think of the what-ifs.
days ago when there was still school, i would think i was the unluckiest person in the world for still being stuck in school whilst everyone was having fun celebrating their summer vacations. it’s now that i realized that summer is really boring. nothing to do now. or maybe it’s just because i’m old. haha. yes, i am, i know.
the family’s going out for a vacation tomorrow early in the morning. it will be fun, i know. except for the fact that i cannot do anything that i do around my friends. is it just me? or is everybody here wearing a mask at home? i’m comfortable with my family, yes, but most of the stuff i do (which i think matters, anyway) i do around my friends. my mom is my bestfriend, but i certainly cannot smoke with her, or ask her to go out and look for boys. so does that mean she isn’t? haha. this isn’t some existentialist crap i’m going to sulk on. just a few of those, “oh really” moments everybody hits once in a while. and yes, irregardless, i still consider her my bestfriend.
making assumptions ruin everything, no? because when you make assumptions, you build up on expectations and you never stop until some of them have been met. when some of them do, you start making other assumptions, and when they don’t you curse the world and yourself. but how do you stop yourself from making them? how do you prevent yourself from thinking of these little things that could possibly happen? maybe it’s the little giddy feeling i get when i think of them, or the staring at nothing while smiling thing which i love about making assumptions that get to me. so do i stop? i know i can’t. is the masochist in me talking? (or typing)
disorganized thoughts are the shit. i just love the sound the keyboard is making every time i press on them. it kind of amazes me when i stop and read everything. because sometimes, it’s just the music the buttons produce that makes me keep on pressing on them. hahaha. stupid thought. lkasfnsgnssdnsldkns. ;asldnva;lsdnv;asvnsa;. did i hear lady gaga? an;kfna;lvnal;rvnr;nvbaob. naaah. just a stupid thought from a really bored, fat, lazy person who wants to get rich, but isn’t doing anything to achieve it. oh and this time, i’m really trying to control what i eat.
dude, seriously.
